many thoughts cross my mind

i live in fear that no matter what i do, it'll never be enough

that it'll always be this way, with or without you

here i admit to jealousy and envy

have you grown disgusted with me?

have you perhaps found someone else?

i know that it's not my place to worry about such things

nothing in this life is deserved

much less the prospect of being with another

3-27-24

i understand

afterall, who would want to be with an obsessive unattractive loser

i wish i had an excuse but i really don't

there's nothing wrong with me

i'm not messed up in the head

i just suck that much.

6:37

i endlessly deny it but deep down i know

the reason why and the day you tried to tell me

your compassion humoring me

the mess i spewed to change your mind

the heinous sin that i've committed

un-retractable and forever tainted in your eyes

a rain of sorries that have devalued with frequency

sorries that attempt to excuse

sorries that aren't followed with action

sorries that will never be redeemed

sorries that are desperate and claw for forgiveness

a luxury that a sinner such as i am not permitted

for all the money in the world wouldn't be enough to outweigh the burden i am to you